Elijah Envy

I've got a serious case of Elijah Envy.

For the past month or so, Elijah has been having gastrointestinal issues.
He has been spending amazing amounts of time in the bathroom.
Like an hour or more if it goes unchecked. Very little besides threats will coax that boy out of the bathroom before he is ready. And it's several times a day.
He has been claiming that he is busy producing fecal matter for the entire retreat. So to the Ped GI we went. I thought the problem would be solved with the doc visit and then with time. No such luck.
X-ray, blood work, and a breath test. All came back normal.
Fiber One Brownies = still no luck
Bathroom retreats continued.
Tonight I had a long conversation with him about his bathroom time (far from the first on the topic).
And the diagnosis is finally in.
Not active bowels, but.....

an incredibly active imagination.

Turns out he has been passing time on the pot by playing an intricately detailed and visual game he created. The invisible players are all layed out on the tiles and grout.
What follows are some of the notes I wrote as he explained the game, but I got the feeling it was so much deeper and more intricate than he could possibly explain.


There are several blacksmiths. Upgrade blacksmith to higher levels to get different troops like archers, horsemen, barbarians. You train troops and attack. Attacking and upgrading earn you coins. When you get to the highest, you get these machines that spawn troops, or anything else. They also shoot cannons that do damage to the towers, but they are really expensive so almost nobody has them. Then I make up fake weapons for one V. one combat. Enemy bases are on the grout. But I don't use my base very much. Monsters can protect it like wolves, witches, vampires for a thousand coins that attack troops. The troops only help when you go to war, they don't defend.
I play this any time I'm bored.
There's another game Clayton and I made up but I don't have time to explain it.

What an amazing means of escape! I might have to steal his strategy.