David was hit by a car

(Written a week ago)
As all homo sapiens, most primates, possums, and the maned rat of Africa will tell you, the opposable thumb is quite a blessing. Today was supposed to be David’s big day, the returned utility of his second thumb. David has been quite limited for 26 days. As he put it, the only physical activity he has been doing lately is eating.
A car hit him.
He was on a bike.
The car was turning right and he wasn’t. On impact, he flew into the air and landed on cement, resulting in a bloody knee, a broken bone in his left wrist, a borrowed bike with $1000 in damage, and a pretty pink cast, in honor of his daughters. He had a previous soccer injury, a broken bone in his toe, for which he’s been wearing a styling boot. Both the boot and the pinkness were to come off today, meaning he could start working off his newly-created beer...ahem...sugar-belly. But he failed both x-rays and wept when he found out a new cast would be applied. This time he chose a glow-in-dark white cast b/c of an encounter my nose had with the pinkness a few nights ago.

Anyway, as stated earlier, I was going to wait to write about this until legal issues resolved, but since when do the words “legal” and “resolved” go together? I write about it now b/c it’s the bane of the poor man’s existence, or at least he would have me believe so. Not only can he not exercise, it is difficult for him to do many other chores, .e.g., diaper changing, washing dishes, washing his right arm, mowing the lawn, anything involving sweat, exertion, dirt, and sand. His doctor (who is conveniently my brother) has given him a ticket to Easy Street. But I’ll give him props for not always accepting. He did learn how to clean his left arm and floss his teeth, though I fear the diaper-changing is a lost cause.
On a related note, devoted readers will know that David likes to make anti-hygienic goals, especially when he is placed in uncommon circumstances. This time he was determined to wear the same outfit the whole time he had his cast. Picture clothes wearing thin. As David was coming out of a meeting, a co-worker mentioned a hole in the back of his pants. Upon further examination, David discovered it wasn’t just a hole, but a shredded chasm at least 7-8 inches long. After an unsuccessful expedition to the bathroom with a stapler, he walked around holding a notebook over his backside for the rest of the day.